Boom! I'm back, bitches. I made another blog post. About what? No fucking clue. I guess I'll just update this blog on my current state. I've been applying to jobs nonstop. Mainly focusing on the things I would love to do. Writing and, just overall getting paid a livable wage, for things I wouldn't mind doing as work. I think the problem I had with my previous jobs was the fact that I looked at cleaning bathrooms as an escape, while I was paid the absolute minimum. It kinda was sad. I mean, I was overworking myself to pick up other people's slack, to get nothing in return. At least in the bathroom I was just listening to pop music, while I mopped the floor. It was meditative, wiping toilets and listening to Paramore. I felt that way when I worked at Alamo, and Noodles & Company. I worked really hard, the latter was much better to me and have fond memories of all the people there but especially the managers. I feel similarly about Alamo but I never felt like I belonged there, and not at all the same about all the managers. Noodles and Company wanted to make me manager. Alamo wouldn't even make me a server. Same time-span. Different management. And that's not say I would've accepted either, or that all the managers were bad. To be honest, I would've turned both down... until I drowned in my rent price for a joke of a studio apartment in Chicago (I wasn't offered shit at Alamo, so I can't accept what isn't presented). I don't know. I fuck myself over sometimes. Most times. I work too hard when I shouldn't. Hell, I made a feature film (I'm still editing it! Jesus. IT SOUNDS LIKE ASS! I NEED TO FIX IT!) I'm writing a book, on top of still writing and applying for jobs/internships in vain.
What is wrong with me? Maybe it's delusion. Maybe it's hope for a better life for me, and the people I care about. Maybe it's both? Can it be both? Maybe my delusion is hope. I think you have to be a tiny bit delusional to succeed, right? And we call it hope. Otherwise, we'd all be hyperaware of how trash we all are. And trust me, I already am.
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